Talking about technology, screen time, and media choices with our children and teens isn’t always easy. Here are some practical approaches to help families start—and keep—those conversations going.
For many parents, a “Trial and Error” approach is our default, especially when it comes to conversations about technology, media, and devices. The problem with a “Trial and Error” approach is that we’re often left with things not working out, or blown trust levels and alienated kids, which can take some time to repair. A better approach focuses on “Experiment, Reflect, and Iterate”—creating family technology conversations that lead to genuine insight and transformation.
How do you replace “Trial and Error” with “Experiment, Reflect, and Iterate?”
- Remember you’re all in this together. Conversation is co-creative. Do it with your kids, not to them, from the very beginning. Experiment.
- Show up. Be patient. Have fun. Include good food. Magic can happen when you commit and show up over time.
- Suspend judgment. Listen with an open mind—observe brainstorming basics to encourage free-flow of ideas and to build trust levels.
- Practice transparency. Share your own challenges. You’re modeling how to reflect. Dig deeper.
- Reflect together on how the conversation went. What worked? What didn’t and why? How can you make it more fun, more challenging, more intriguing next week?
- Co-design your next experiment-in-conversation.
Modeling Transparency: A Real-World Example
Filmmaker, parent, and M.D. Delaney Ruston writes the Screenagers blog. In a recent post, Delaney modeled transparency with her readers as she reflected on her experience co-viewing TV shows with her teenagers. Delaney writes:
“I try to watch a show with my kids now and then and keep my mouth shut through the whole show—I usually fail a bit and blurt out something like ‘Oh that would never happen’ and then quickly kick myself and reapply my metaphorical duct tape. Then, I wait for a day or two and say something positive about the show. For example, for the show How I Met Your Mother I might say something like, ‘It’s amazing how they come up with so many jokes one right after the other.’ What I really want to say is ‘Have you noticed that every other joke seems to be about sex,’ but I hold back. They already know that I feel that way and that is why they are defensive about all these shows and my co-viewing. But they also know that I work hard to see things from many perspectives, so they are willing to engage with me … if I am thoughtful in how I am approaching things.”
Delaney’s suggestions for a tech talk about popular values in today’s TV shows might be a great source for one of your own technology conversation experiments. You can subscribe to her blog for more ideas.
More Resources for Families
Ready to take the next step? These trusted resources can help your family build healthier tech habits together:
- Presenting a united front is crucial before opening the conversation with your kids. Check in with your partner to make sure you’re on the same page about screen time and tech use. Use our parent screen time alignment guide to get started.
- Create a Family Media Plan — A free tool from the American Academy of Pediatrics to help your family set tech boundaries that fit your values and routines.
- Helping Kids Thrive in a Digital World — The AAP’s latest guidance on why conversations—not just rules—are the key to healthy tech habits.
- Common Sense Media Family Tech Planners — Free, printable planners designed to help kids and parents think through screen time choices together.
If you’d like support navigating technology conversations with your child or teen, our experts are here to help. Let us know about the challenges you’re facing—personalized support can make all the difference for your family.
