Lately, LGBTQ+ rights, especially for transgender youth, have been under serious attack. States are rolling out numerous new laws impacting everything from healthcare to sports participation for trans kids. At the same time, organizations like the American Psychological Association are stepping up, pushing for policies that support evidence-based care for transgender, gender-diverse, and nonbinary people. This kind of support is crucial in countering misinformation and ensuring trans kids get the care they need.
In the face of today’s divisive cultural landscape, it’s more crucial than ever to create safe, supportive spaces where children can explore and express their gender identity. Read on to learn how you can help.
Understanding Gender Identity
Gender identity is a person’s internal sense of how they fit into society’s rubric of gender. This internal sense is distinct from biological sex. For many people, their interiority aligns with their biological sex but for some people it doesn’t. This internal-external difference is often called gender dysphoria or gender incongruence.
Many individuals who experience gender incongruence report understanding their identity from a very young age, and the American Academy of Pediatrics reports that most children have a stable gender identity by age four. While it is becoming more common for children to share this information with their parents or for parents to recognize this experience in their children, many individuals still choose to hold onto this important self-knowledge and keep it private for years or even decades.
How You Can Be an Ally
Here are a few simple and strategic ways parents and other caring adults can create space for children to explore gender diversity:
- Notice and address gender assumptions. If a child in a preschool classroom says ,“Trucks are for boys”, a teacher can respond by saying “You’ve noticed that a lot of boys like to play with trucks and some girls like trucks, too. Trucks can be for everyone.”
- Loosen up social norms for appearance. If a child says, “Girls have long hair”, an adult can say “Yes, a lot of girls like to wear their hair long and sometimes boys do, too” or “Sometimes people with long hair are girls, but not always.” Allow space for dressing up in clothes or costumes not typical for the child’s assigned gender. Dress up play, or imaginative play, is a safe way to do the gender identity work that young children need to do.
- Notice other people’s preferred pronouns and make yours known. I have a pin with she/her printed on it that I keep on my purse. The assumption that most people would make about my gender from my appearance is aligned with how I experience my own gender. However, when I explicitly announce my pronouns, it signals to my child and to others that I see and support gender diversity.
These few simple actions provide early stepping-stones that support children on their future gender path.
If you have questions about how best to support your child or teenager, don’t hesitate to reach out to our expert parent coaches for help. Contact us today to learn more.
