“We have to share!”
If you’ve uttered this phrase recently, you probably have a toddler. And you’ve probably been met with confusion, anger, or meltdowns.
Teaching kids how to share is no easy feat. It’s a developmental milestone that many parents struggle with, especially when toddlers are still learning about emotions like empathy and fairness. With their natural inclination to want everything for themselves, instilling the concept of kids sharing toys and resources can feel like an uphill battle.
But the good news is that fostering sharing doesn’t have to be a battle. With the right strategies and a little patience, kids can learn how to share, building important social skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.
The Developmental Perspective on Sharing
Understanding the Toddler’s Mind
Sharing, as you might gather, is a difficult concept for young children. Most experts actually think it’s wrong to force young children to share: developmentally speaking, they just don’t have the capacity. At this stage, toddlers are focused on their own needs and have yet to develop the emotional skills to fully understand the concept of kids sharing.
This self-focus is a natural part of their growth. Toddlers are learning how to navigate the world around them, and it can take time for them to understand the idea that others have needs and desires as well.
By around age 4, most children start to understand that others might have wishes that differ from their own. Before then, sharing can be a challenge (and that’s an understatement). During this early stage, it’s important to model and gently guide your child through moments of sharing, helping them understand the basic idea of “give and take” even if they aren’t fully ready to embrace it themselves. Still, there are a few important things you can do to help the process along:
Proven Strategies to Encourage Sharing
1. Introducing Turn-Taking
Don’t force sharing. Forcing children to share can delay the development of sharing skills. Instead, introduce the concept of taking turns. You might even try using a timer to help show your child how to take turns. They’ll be reassured that sharing doesn’t mean giving away their toy forever. Turn-taking helps children understand the value of both playing with toys and respecting others’ needs, creating a more balanced approach to kids’ sharing.
This process also gives children a sense of control over their playtime and allows them to engage with others at their own pace, reducing anxiety around sharing.
2. Special Toys and Boundaries
Put special toys away. Even us adults have belongings we don’t want to share with our friends—and that’s ok. Before your child’s friend comes over for a playdate, ask your child to put away any items he doesn’t want to share. This can help reduce conflicts and give your child a sense of security about their personal items. It also gives them control over their environment, which can be empowering.
By setting these boundaries, you are teaching your child that it’s okay to have personal space and that respect for others’ possessions is important, too.
3. Fostering Empathy
Help develop a sense of empathy. Begin introducing the concept of noticing how other people feel as early as you can. Kids learn valuable lessons by discussing how their actions impact others. For example, instead of simply asking your child to “say you’re sorry,” ask, “How do you think your friend is feeling? What could you do to help?” Encouraging empathy helps children understand that kids sharing is not just about fairness, but about kindness and care for others.
When children start to grasp the emotions of those around them, they are more likely to share out of a genuine desire to make others feel good, not just because they are asked to.
4. Cooperation and Helpfulness
Encourage cooperation and being helpful. Our kids pick up behavior from everyday life. Activities that seem simple, like peek-a-boo or tossing a ball back and forth, lay the groundwork for sharing down the road. So does allowing your child to partake in everyday chores such as cleaning up toys or putting away clothes. These small acts of cooperation build social skills that prepare your child for more complex interactions. Sharing can become an extension of their willingness to cooperate with others.
Engaging your child in team activities, whether it’s cooking together or assembling a puzzle, can also foster a spirit of teamwork, helping them realize that sharing efforts make tasks more enjoyable for everyone.
5. Group Play and Interaction
Create opportunities for playtime with other kids. Learning to play well with others is not a one-time lesson. It takes time and practice. Just being around other children and interacting during play, whether at the park or through more organized playgroups, gives children opportunities to practice sharing. Group play not only helps your child practice sharing, but it also provides a safe space for them to experience social challenges and resolve conflicts with guidance.
It’s important to give your child opportunities to interact with children of various ages as well, as this can teach them about different play styles and ways to negotiate shared playtime.
6. Positive Reinforcement
Praise positive behavior. It’s easy to react to unwanted behavior but responding to positive behavior—when it happens—will get your little one to understand that sharing is a good thing. Use descriptive praise when your child does share: let her know how happy you are and point out that she’s made that other child happy, too. Recognizing these moments encourages your child to continue practicing sharing, while also boosting their self-esteem and reinforcing positive behavior.
Be sure to acknowledge both big and small acts of sharing to let your child know that every step forward counts. Celebrating their efforts builds a positive association with sharing and motivates them to keep trying.
Embracing Each Child’s Unique Pace
Each child develops at their own pace. Don’t worry if your child isn’t sharing when you think she should be. Sharing—like many other skills—is learned as children’s social, emotional and cognitive development increases. It’s important to recognize that developmental milestones can vary widely from one child to another, and there’s no single “right” timeline for when a child will fully grasp the concept of kids sharing.
It’s also important to remember that some children may take longer to grasp the concept of sharing, and that’s perfectly normal. Some children may be naturally more inclined to share, while others might need more time and encouragement. While some children may start sharing easily at an early age, others might need more time and gentle guidance. Every child has their own unique temperament, and this affects how quickly they learn social behaviors like sharing.
Patience and consistent encouragement go a long way in helping your child develop these important social skills. By fostering a supportive environment and understanding their individual needs, you’re helping lay the foundation for future positive interactions. Trust the process and give your child the space and time they need to grow at their own pace.
The Journey of Instilling Sharing in Kids
Teaching kids how to share is a continuous journey, one that requires patience, understanding, and consistent effort. It’s important to remember that there’s no set timeline for when a child should fully embrace sharing. Every child develops at their own pace, and what works for one child may not work for another. As parents, it’s crucial not to feel pressured by external expectations or comparisons. Your child’s path to learning how to share and empathize will unfold naturally over time.
As children grow and their emotional and cognitive skills develop, they will gradually become more capable of understanding the importance of sharing and showing kindness to others. This progression is part of the beautiful journey of childhood, and with your guidance and support, they will get there.
If you’re looking for more resources to help guide you along this journey, explore our Knowledge Base for helpful tips and strategies. You can also schedule a free consultation to learn about more about our expert Parent Coaching, or join one of our workshops to get personalized advice and connect with other parents navigating similar challenges.
With time, patience, and your loving support, your child will not only learn to share but also develop into a compassionate, thoughtful individual who values kindness and connection.
